anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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