Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
