I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
