He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
