Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
