i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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