Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
