last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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