oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
