Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
