If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
