he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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