you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
