did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
