There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just google imaged poop.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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