just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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