So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
