I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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