pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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