I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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