I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
