I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Pooping to opera.
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