Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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