I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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