I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
