I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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