She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
