you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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