im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
