Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
