I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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