he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
