operation harelip BJ is a go
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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