So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
