I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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