I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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