I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
