My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
