I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
