You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
