Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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