oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
