you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize