Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
