note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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