At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
