new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize