Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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