i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
