Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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