we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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