dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
