apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
