Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
