My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
