I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
