The maid of honor just puked.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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