apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
