last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize