The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
