you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
