dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
