Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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