You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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