Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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