i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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