What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
