2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
her vagine was all disorganized.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
high people should be assigned attendants
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Bring me that man meat
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
