I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
