What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
In America we eat man semen.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
