My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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