Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
