I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
