Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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