I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
