Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
