sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
