We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
