wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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