and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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