my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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