Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
that's an acceptable place to lick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
