on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
