'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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