Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
