Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
