There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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