community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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