can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
