Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
