There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
