nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
