I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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