We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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