I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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