So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize