put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
