...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
