It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
