My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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